Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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