I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
