Having a random hookup so left but love u
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize