my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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