Betty ford says i'm here all night
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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