Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Randomize
