is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I can't turn off my feet"
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
