i don't like sucking hair
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
