I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
