You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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