great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
