fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
