I'm eating all of the evidence.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
