P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
