I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
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