Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
