so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
