Grow some girl-balls and come out already
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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