we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
