I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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