Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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