I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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