We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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