What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Randomize
