it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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