he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
