Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
