The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
We are two peas in an std pod
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize