Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
