Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize