Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Randomize
