dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
