he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
