People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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