you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
