Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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