his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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