God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I need water and some morals
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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