I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
