So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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