You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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