I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
