Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
