Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
