Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
