what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
