wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Shame - the story of my life.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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