I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
