forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
