ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize