I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize