Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
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