I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
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