Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
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