you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
