Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
