I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
smell my finger.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Randomize
