shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
