I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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