Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
