Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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