i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
My ass is underappreciated
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
